Basing Decisions

Not too long ago, I had someone say to me, "You shouldn't do anything to your body, at least not until you're married. Your husband might not appreciate what you've done to your body." After a moment the man added, "After all, it'll be his body too, when you're married."

I was outraged, if I'm honest. This person was referring to tattoos, mainly, but also piercings and other 'permanent' changes. I understand having an opinion, especially when Christian, about why and how we shouldn't tattoo ourselves or get piercings. There's Scripture that says that we shouldn't mark our bodies and I'm not saying that it's not there. Not liking tattoos or whatever else is your own opinion. I may not share it with you, but I also won't thrust my beliefs down your throat.

What bothered me by this was the fact that this person said I shouldn't do something to MY body because of my 'future husband'. My husband, if I ever do get married, doesn't deserve that sort of entitlement to my body. I make choices over my own body. This argument isn't even about tattoos anymore: it's about how the man expected me (and presumably, other women like me) to want to please men. Arguably understandable: If I had a husband, I'd want him to be happy just as I'd want to be happy. But you shouldn't say, "Don't make this choice on your own, you need someone else's opinion." Especially, a spouse's opinion.

What this man basically said was, "Don't change yourself or your body until you have your husband's consent. He's the one who should have the final vote." (At least, that's what was heavily implied during our conversation). That's like saying, "Don't go on a diet until you're wed, your husband may only approve of certain diet options" or "Don't cut your hair, your husband should be the one to decide if you wear it long or short." No man, or anyone else for that matter, has the right to make those decisions for me. I am my own person. My decisions should be my decisions, my mistakes should be my mistakes.

I'm not saying that the husband's role in a Christian marriage is not needed. I understand you need both yourself and a husband (or yourself and a wife) to be able to communicate, to have opinions, to be helpful, in order to fulfill a marriage. That doesn't mean you should have total control over someone else's life. I shouldn't be married to someone and say, "You shouldn't get a tattoo because I don't like tattoos." I should be like, "I don't like tattoos. I think you should think this through carefully before you decide if you really want a tattoo. But if this is something you really want, and you feel like it's not wrong, than you're more then welcome to do it."

I feel like I rambled a lot in there but the main point is this: Don't tell me my decisions should be based on something a man may or may not like. My body belongs to myself and God. No man has the right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do.