Wired Wrong

First of all, listen to this song.

Now, moving on to the point: as someone who suffers from anxiety, I often feel like I am, as the song says, wired wrong. There’s something wrong with my brain, with me, that limits me and curses me, and makes me want to hate myself. People say “Just get over it” or “Grow up already” as if it’s that simple a fix, as if I just have one metaphorical wire misplaced that needs to be readjusted. But to me, it’s not that simple. I’m a mass of jumbled wires, some connecting where they shouldn’t, some not connected at all.

Now, this was a previous belief of mine. That’s not to say I don’t still feel like jumbled wire but I’ve come to realize something else: no one is wired “right”. There is no correct way to be wired. There is no one person who is perfect and ok. Everyone has their misplaced wires and faulty connections. To put such belief in other people at the expense of yourself can deteriorate you personally.

Even though there is no “right” way to be wired, I still feel like I, personally, and other people as well will hold themselves to that sort of standard. I’ll probably feel like there’s just something off for a while. I’m not finished growing into myself and growing into being comfortable with myself. However, one day, I hope that I can come to terms happily and contentedly with how I’m wired and be able to accept that that’s just who I am and there’s nothing wrong with that.