How I (Personally) Deal with Anxiety

Writing is definitely my favored way to deal with anxiety. I don't have to just write about my anxiety, and most of the time I don't, but just putting words on a page (or screen, in most cases) helps me get my thoughts and feelings in some organized shape. But I don't always have access to writing supplies so I have some other things I do.

I will read. Reading has always been calming to me, since I can fall into someone else's life and story and forget about mine for a while.

I will play video games. While not always the most happy of games (Fallout 3 ending, anyone? Mass Effect 3 ending?), I am in absolute control. Something goes wrong? I'll just reload a save. No big deal (why can't real life do that, huh?).

I will stay inside and to myself. Though, I'm not sure this is the best way to handle anxiety, by keeping it bottled up and to myself, sometimes I do just need the time alone. 

I will keep quiet. I do tend to get anxious in groups and as a result, I'll be fairly quiet. My anxiety tends to make me hyper-aware during interactions, especially in groups (and I always feel like what I have to say isn't important, or relevant, or that no one will listen anyway so why open my mouth). 

I will absolutely follow people around. I do not like to be in a new place (or any place generally) on my own. So I will stay fairly close to someone I am comfortable with (and then spend the whole time worrying that I'm bothering them, of course). 

Lately, however? I've been forcing myself to kind of....ignore my anxiety. Maybe ignore isn't the right word. I recognize that I'm anxious and force myself to do what I wouldn't normally do. I'm putting myself out there more, I'm hanging out with people I didn't used to, and I'm trying to get to where I'm more comfortable with myself around people. 

Living with Anxiety (Personally)

Anxiety is kind of like caring too much about everything.

It's walking into a room full of people and feeling every single eye on you, criticizing how you're dressed, how your hair is, how you walk.

It's trying on new clothes and keeping yourself from buying them because "they don't fit your 'normal style' and everyone will notice and care and point it out" or "it's too loud/different and everyone will notice and care and judge."

It's thinking "I can go to that party/gathering/group dinner!" and getting there and having your insides try to eat themselves, feeling like your drowning and can never quite catch your breath.

It's relying on routine: wake up, go to classes, lunch, room (recharge), dinner, repeat. Something goes wrong, or disrupts the routine, and you're left fumbling for something to hang on to.

It's being afraid to hug someone new because "what if i hug them weird" or "what if I accidentally touch somewhere off limits" or "what if I don't give good hugs".

It's tiptoeing around new people and sticking close to people you do know, because "what if I say something wrong" and "people i know are safe".

It's thinking about how everything could go wrong.

It's thinking that everything you do could be bad or dumb or wrong.

It's feeling like your heart will beat out of your chest, and you can't quite breath, and you're pretty certain that you'll throw up, and you can't keep your thoughts calm.

That's what anxiety is like for me. Sometimes it's not this extreme, and sometimes it's worse. I've gotten better about how I handle it. I won't say I have a true Anxiety Disorder (General, Social, etc) because I'm not diagnosed, so please don't think that's what I'm saying.

I feel like this is just something important for people to read, not just because it's about me, but because maybe it'll give someone an insight on how it feels to have and deal with anxiety.